Peptide Dad Pulls Kids From Public School After Discovering Common Core Can't Teach Them To Reconstitute A 10mg Vial
BOISE, Idaho — Peptide bro Travis Mulholland, 41, pulled his three children out of public school Monday after his 11-year-old couldn't tell him how much bacteriostatic water goes into a 10mg vial of BPC-157. "They spent six weeks on 'number sense,'" Mulholland said. "My kid can draw 47 dots to show 47, but she can't convert milligrams to units on a U-100 syringe. That's child neglect."
Mulholland's new curriculum, "Reconstitution Across America," replaces math with dosing calculations, science with "fridge versus freezer," and history with a full semester on the FDA. Spelling tests include "lyophilized," "subcutaneous," and "research purposes only." His 8-year-old is now on track to finish pre-algebra by Christmas because every word problem ends in units.
"If Jimmy has 2 milliliters of water and a 5mg vial, how many ticks on the syringe gets him to 250 micrograms?" Mulholland read from a worksheet. "Public school would have asked how many apples Jimmy has. Jimmy doesn't need apples. Jimmy needs to understand the ratio."
The kids practice by reconstituting empty vials with bubble solution from the dollar store. "If you can draw up exactly 0.1 milliliters of Mr. Bubble without making a single bubble, you're ready for life," Mulholland said. "The real stuff stays locked in Dad's fridge, behind the ketchup, like a responsible adult."
The FDA said it was reviewing the curriculum and would issue guidance in 2033. "We're concerned these children are learning to measure precisely, read labels and question authority," a spokesperson said. Meanwhile Mulholland's 11-year-old aced her first quiz. "Public school taught me to feel my feelings about fractions," she said. "Dad taught me fractions."
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